Today as I wandered around Dutch Wonderland Park with my young kids, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to my summer and how do other parents of young children do it. How do they manage to parent in a respectable way and still have some semblance of sanity and "a life".
I wondered this as I watched parents of all shapes and sizes banter and play with their kids in the spurting water. Most seemed calm and relaxed and many looked proud of their kids as they steadied them on plastic whales for photo shoots and lots of failed attempts at a dignified pose.
If I looked really close, I might see the traces of weariness mingled with the fun of the moment. I think I saw this because, in my reflection, I saw it in myself.
One of the reasons why I am willing to drive to the other side of town in 90 degree heat even though I am exhausted is because I want my children to first of all, have many important experiences in their youth - experiences that will shape them and help them understand themselves and their world more clearly. I thought about this as I watched my three-year-old son become more bold in his play in the water and as I had to keep a watchful eye on my energetic 15 month old daughter who is fearless and who plunges into life with exuberance. I want them both to understand the dangers of life without risk.
This brings me to my second desire for my kids. I want to model for them the important ways we interact with our world and,especially with our families. I want to help them become bold and thoughtful, caring and responsible. As I see a wide range of humanity trying to answer the same questions that I pose to myself, I realize I am not alone in this quest for purpose and responsibility and that gives me hope. So, even when I am weary, I know this is important and it has been done countless times by millions of people for generations. Sometimes we fail miserably but we pick ourselves up and keep on going. Sometimes when our children do or say something truly remarkable, we can take a step backwards and remember those moments and the ways they help us know that what we are doing is important and meaningful.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
My Cancer Year
Yesterday I learned I have cancer - more specifically, basal carcinoma - a common skin cancer with fairly straightforward treatment. It came about when I was walking with my son on my shoulders about 18 months ago. He grabbed my forehead in a playful way and drew blood and since then it hasn't fully healed. My doctors have started asking questions and their worries turned out to be true.
Janet has not responded well. She tears up every time I mention it and I understand why. We have had a dreadful year full of pain in our family and then add to the fact that my birth mother died of skin cancer when I was young and those fears are well founded.
When life hits you hard in the groin, you may get up but you hobble, nonetheless. I guess that's the nature of life - unpredictable and messy.
In the midst of this craziness, God has blessed us with three beautiful children - one who is just 7 weeks old. Taking care of these gifts is what keeps me going in times like these. Knowing I have kids who depend on me for their livelihood and who unequivocally love me - at least for now helps me cope.
Like many people who have gone before me, I will go on and find beauty and strength in uncommon things: a child's giggles, a flourishing garden, a belly laugh with good friends at a pub or cafe, fresh produce, and relaxing music. I can look back on my life and remember the many wonderful occasions that shaped me. I can have courage that even in the midst of chaos and confusion, every day beauty can emerge and refresh my soul.
Janet has not responded well. She tears up every time I mention it and I understand why. We have had a dreadful year full of pain in our family and then add to the fact that my birth mother died of skin cancer when I was young and those fears are well founded.
When life hits you hard in the groin, you may get up but you hobble, nonetheless. I guess that's the nature of life - unpredictable and messy.
In the midst of this craziness, God has blessed us with three beautiful children - one who is just 7 weeks old. Taking care of these gifts is what keeps me going in times like these. Knowing I have kids who depend on me for their livelihood and who unequivocally love me - at least for now helps me cope.
Like many people who have gone before me, I will go on and find beauty and strength in uncommon things: a child's giggles, a flourishing garden, a belly laugh with good friends at a pub or cafe, fresh produce, and relaxing music. I can look back on my life and remember the many wonderful occasions that shaped me. I can have courage that even in the midst of chaos and confusion, every day beauty can emerge and refresh my soul.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Flow
Go with the flow! As a father of three young children who is also teaching two new graduate courses and trying to have some semblance of sanity, that adage is more true than ever. There are days when it is just enough to have survived it with my wits intact for it be a success. I am learning that being a parent means that I need to give up so much of my personal time and space so that there are times when I wonder who I really am.
When I am in the midst of chasing after my three year old son who has hit his sister yet one more time or am changing another rank nappy, I sometime feel I am really in a rhythm, a flow if you will where I just hunker down and do what I need to do in order get me and my family out the other end of sanity.
In the midst of it all, I do love it. I know this is where I am and where I need to be. I love that I straddle two worlds that involve nurture. In my one world I am nurturing young children as they develop language and social skills. In my other world I am nurturing new teachers who are learning about their own learning which in turn helps them develop the learning of the adolescents who will be under their care. Both are daunting tasks which require patience and a sense of humor.
When I find the time to reflect on my current lot in life, I realize that not only am I in the flow but I also have found life's meaning: giving to those who are vulnerable and not yet independent in the hope that they will one day sprout wings and fly!
When I am in the midst of chasing after my three year old son who has hit his sister yet one more time or am changing another rank nappy, I sometime feel I am really in a rhythm, a flow if you will where I just hunker down and do what I need to do in order get me and my family out the other end of sanity.
In the midst of it all, I do love it. I know this is where I am and where I need to be. I love that I straddle two worlds that involve nurture. In my one world I am nurturing young children as they develop language and social skills. In my other world I am nurturing new teachers who are learning about their own learning which in turn helps them develop the learning of the adolescents who will be under their care. Both are daunting tasks which require patience and a sense of humor.
When I find the time to reflect on my current lot in life, I realize that not only am I in the flow but I also have found life's meaning: giving to those who are vulnerable and not yet independent in the hope that they will one day sprout wings and fly!
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